Who Defines You?

Ever since I can remember, I have always had a passion for music and singing. As a child, my sister and I would perform a song or dance every holiday or anytime our family gathered together. I started a band with my sister and best friend when I got a little older. We were convinced we were the greatest. When I was in middle school, someone asked me what I wanted to do with my life, and I said I wanted to do something with music or dancing. The response was, “that sounds great, but most people don’t make it. You don’t have the talent to do anything with music and make money. Maybe find something else that can help pay your bills.” That day that dream inside me was buried deep down. I know this advice was out of love, and someone was just looking out for my future. There is not a lot of money in music or dance most of the time. But as a little girl, I was not thinking about how I would pay my bills; I was thinking about doing that thing that makes me come alive. I felt like I was born to do something with music. While there is wisdom in the advice I received, it hit an insecurity in me that caused me to shut down that dream completely. 

In my early 20s, I began to feel that pull and call to music again. At this point, I knew the Lord put that dream in me, but I was too scared and remembered what I had been told as a little girl. I let those words define me instead of drawing me closer to God and steward and develop what He has put inside me.

When I was 22, my husband and I started attending church together shortly after getting married. My favorite part of the church was the worship. I felt close to God, and I felt like myself. Shortly after attending, we began serving in the youth ministry. The youth did not have a worship team at the time. They would worship with the adults during the main service, and then we would leave to the youth room and continue our service. God kept telling me to do something about it, but I did nothing. I was too afraid.

One night at a night of worship, a woman I had never met came who had the gift of prophecy. She prophesied over me that night that I had big spiritual ears and that I was called to lead kids in worship. I told her she was crazy and wrong, even though I knew she was right because God had been talking to me about that very thing and would keep bringing it up.

Even after that word, I did nothing. I recorded it, remembered it, and would talk to God about it, but I never dared to step out in faith and believe what God was saying about me. It almost became an annoyance because He would not stop bringing it up, and I could not stop thinking about leading youth in worship or dreaming about it. I tried to press into other areas, such as preaching and doing anything else I could to quiet my mind so I could avoid hearing Him talk to me about who I was.

In 2016 I was at a youth pastor conference with my husband. They gave a prophetic word at one point about some groups needing a youth worship team. At first, I did not move, but then I felt like I had to. So I raised my hand and received prayer. The following week we had a worship team! 

God answered the prayer and brought us a team. I started to fall more and more in love with music, worship, and God. I heard His voice like never before, finding my identity in Him, taking risks, and obeying His every word. For the first time, I felt my purpose and like I was doing what I was created to do.

One night, someone I looked up to came to our youth service. I was so scared that they were in the room, it almost made me silent, but I stepped out and led the worship set, even though I was very afraid. It was not the greatest I had done by far, but God showed me something beautiful that night. He said after that set that “It’s not about you. I will move and show up regardless of how you sound.” That night there were so many testimonies from the youth and breakthroughs. I was full of joy!

The following day, that person I looked up to at our service the night before called me. I had no idea what to expect from this call, but I answered. It was one of the worst phone calls of my life. The person I looked up to called me and spoke words over me that rubbed up on my insecurities. They said I was damaging worship and that I was a distraction. I was broken, defeated, and depressed. There was no encouragement for me being new and taking a scary risk; there was no advice on how I could improve. I was deflated. 

I wanted to quit so bad. I was embarrassed and ashamed. I was ready to be done. But God told me not to stop and keep singing. That was a challenging season. Every Wednesday, I felt shame. I silenced my voice and would barely sing because worship is my favorite thing; I did not want to damage it or be a distraction. I did not understand why God wanted me to stay on the team. 

I decided in my heart that part of my worship is obeying. I could not quit or step down, and I had to listen to God. I found resources, conferences, lessons, schools, etc. I dived deep into stewarding and developing myself. 

I developed a lot on my own and could sing comfortably on my own in my house. But no matter how many lessons or resources I used, my mind was holding me back from true freedom. I became that little girl who didn’t have a voice and didn’t know who she was. No skill or talent could fix that. I needed an encounter with the One who made me.

The more time I spent with God, the more fears and doubts disappeared. I needed to know that, first and foremost, I am not my voice. I am His daughter. I also learned that my voice is a gift, not a distraction. When we walk around being defined by a false identity and lies, it’s impossible to do what we are created to do.

The enemy wanted nothing more than to silence me. He used people I looked up to accomplish his plans. But God continued to pursue me and pour His love on me. He told me who I was and what He created me to do. Once I believed His word over my life and let His words define me, I found freedom for the first time. 

Recently I was at a worship conference and had a powerful encounter with the Lord. Years ago, I had already forgiven this person, but their words still defined me. I never replaced them with God’s truth. So at the conference, God showed me a vision of what had happened all those years ago and a picture of the words coming out of their mouths. As each word came out, He was destroying it. He did not only destroy it; He replaced it with His truth. He asked me if I believed that my voice was a gift and that it had value, and for the first time, I said yes. 

Those words were spoken to me in 2016; it was 2022 when I finally had this breakthrough. It was a process for me. God is faithful and continues to pursue me and make sure I know what He said over me. 

I don’t think it has to take 5+ years to receive your breakthrough. God can do it in a moment if we allow Him. I was just in the desert like the Israelites the last couple of years, trying to strive and do it on my own instead of trusting Him. Stewarding and developing our gifts are important and should not be neglected. But that is only part of the process. The more significant aspect is finding out who defines you. Is it the words you say over yourself? The words others have spoken over you? Or is God the one who defines you?

An imperative aspect of worshiping God is knowing your identity in Him and doing what He made you to do. 

Are you letting false words define you and silence you?

Are you stewarding or striving?

Ask God to reveal to you the false identities, the lies, the doubts, the striving, all of it. Don’t shy away from it; press in and receive the healing and breakthrough He has for you. 

You are made for a plan and a purpose, and the enemy would want nothing more than for you to give up. Instead, decide in your heart to obey God and deal with whatever is holding you back. 

He wants to do the impossible through you.