The Root
Why do I struggle with pride? Today I felt it creeping its way in.
I start my day with God declaring my dependence on Him, kneeling on the floor, and halfway through the day, I’m flying high on my own abilities. Oh boy. Why does this happen? I genuinely want to know. Brokenness, this is why.
Brokenness searches for validation, especially when it feels inadequate.
We love feeling smart, needed, wanted, and knowledgeable, and many times we go to lengths to get it subconsciously and then catch ourselves in the icky pride and ask, “what happened?” and “how the heck did I get here?”
Deep down, we know we are nothing without God. Indeed, every part of us is held together by Him down to the very fabric of our being, yet, we hunger to feel like we keep ourselves together. Even the saying “pull yourself together” implies that we can.
The trouble is on our own; we are incapable of absolutely nothing down to the cellular level. Our very existence is because of our Creator.
Why do we hunger to be noticed, needed, and essential?
Why are we not okay with being dependent and living in unity with our Creator and Savior, our Teacher? Is it the enemy?
Is it simply the urge to sin? Rebel? Or is it deeper? Is it something placed by God that has been twisted like so much in this life on earth?
And what does the bible say?
John 15:5 Jesus tells us He is the Vine and we are the branches and apart from Him we can do nothing, but in Him, we bear much fruit, shows us of His design for dependence. Jesus later tells the disciples to WAIT emphatically for the Holy Spirit to come before He ascends to heaven so that the Holy Spirit will guide them into all truth and that they will receive power from on high. Jesus also told His disciples that they would do greater things than He did on earth! What?!
Yes, I believe He meant it. Why? Because Jesus also says that He only does what His Father tells Him to do and only says what He hears His Father say. Every word He spoke was surrendered to the guiding of the Holy Spirit in submission to the Father, intentional and true.
Jesus says there are many things He would like to tell His disciples, but He lived submitted and trusted Father God completely enough to surrender His own words, actions, life to Him as a vessel, our example of how to live.
Throughout the Bible, God says he “opposes the proud” but “gives grace to the humble.” The meek shall inherit the earth. The poor in spirit, those who genuinely realize their need for God and hunger for more of Him continually, will see God.
Yet, all around us, we see the opposite of what we read in the bible. The power-hungry getting promoted, the self-sufficient white collar worker wearing the nicest clothes and driving the fancy car, the immoral one living the high life partying and carefree while paradoxically the financially poor are begging for scraps, the mentally ill are screaming at themselves on the streets too broken to hold down a steady job, the single mothers are working three jobs to attempt to make ends meet, the husband who just lost his job after 20 years and is no longer physically able to support his family.
We see the natural and allow it to dictate how we view reality instead of God’s words. What’s at the root of pride?
FEAR
Fear of losing everything, so we hold onto everything, fear of being found out as a fraud, so we go to bravado and become know-it-alls or “quick learners” rather than acknowledging our Creator as the source of all we are and all we have.
Fear of not measuring up, so striving to appear as we do, or so we hope.
Fear of failing, so we either drive harder into tasks and projects or become apathetic. The list goes on.
What is the truth? “Whoever seeks to save his life will lose it, and whoever loses His life for My (Jesus’) sake, he is the one who will save it” (scripture).
If any of this resonates with you, please pray this with me:
Father God, strip me of my self-sufficiency and independence to live in the fullness of life You designed for me. Your Word says that You came to give us abundant life and that Your grace is sufficient. You also say that You have provided all that we need to live this life and be like You, and You have also given us Holy Spirit as our constant help and guide in this life. Please help me to not only surrender now but every day, every moment, minute by minute. Remind me of my need for You even if it makes life uncomfortable. I know I need You more than I need comfort in this life. Shake me up, Lord! Help me to live with eyes set on You, desiring only to be closer to My Savior.
