Laid Down Lover
To be a laid down lover for Jesus. What does this mean? To submit our wants, desires, and dreams willingly, even joyfully, at His feet. In this surrender, trusting that He is always good and wants the best for us, knowing that He would never ask us to do something without giving us everything we need to accomplish it in Him. Will it be easy? Not usually, but is it possible? YES, in Him, it is possible.
Recently, I've been purposefully pushing myself outside of my comfort zone to encourage others, praying for strangers, sharing the good news of Jesus, and generally aiming to be more open and patient with others to show them more of who Jesus is. This new journey has led to a rollercoaster of emotions inside me! I have felt more joy than I thought possible to contain and more sorrow for others' pain than my heart seems to be able to bear. I've cried with others, laughed in joy, and then cried in awe that God would ever choose to move through me to reach His beloved children.
I have never considered myself a compelling person. I have a small-statured frame, a child-like voice, and always look younger than my age. I am often not taken seriously by others, but over time I've learned to earn the respect of others by working hard and showing that I am a seriously dedicated person (call it small person syndrome, if you will). I never thought God would want to use me to share His love and salvation with strangers. Now I know these doubts came from the enemy who will always try to discount us by using things we cannot control to take us out of being a threat to him. What a punk!
When I step out to share about Jesus or pray for others, I am usually nervous and unsure of what will happen. More and more, I feel God telling me not to worry about the response and to focus on being obedient time and time again. When He speaks, move in obedience, driven and fueled by His love, even if I'm shaking and unsure of myself.
It's NOT ABOUT ME, but it's ALL ABOUT HIM, so the pressure is off me.
He's not asking for a performance, a shouting match, a tally of souls saved, or people healed. He's after my heart, and he's after all of our hearts, first and foremost.
As I've been more consistently journaling and listening to God's voice, I hear Him say crazy things like "you're a revivalist," "everywhere you step is My ground," and "where you go, the atmosphere shifts." I've been intermittently quoting Isaiah 61 over myself this past year. Honestly, I think it would be a good idea for any follower of Jesus to declare because this scripture is a prophecy about HIM, our example for living God's will out on this earth.
"The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me, because the Lord has anointed me to bring good news to the poor; He has sent me to bind up the broken hearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives and the opening up of prison to those who are bound; to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, to grant to those who mourn in Zion, to give them a beautiful headdress instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, the garment of praise instead of a faint spirit, that they may be called oaks of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified."
Isaiah 61:1-3, ESV
Do I always get it right? No. Do I always obey? Sadly, no. Yesterday, I saw a deflated younger man sitting in a wheelchair at the max station, who had part of his leg amputated, and I felt something stirring in me. Still, I also felt uncomfortable and unsure if it was safe to talk to him.
Did I stop? Again, sadly, yesterday, I did not.
It seemed like a total set up too. Do I want to always step out in faith and do crazy things like pray for a person's leg to be restored? Absolutely. I'm growing in receiving Jesus' love for me. I genuinely believe that as we allow His love to penetrate every wound, every lie we've lived by, every doubt, and every fear, we will become whole and portray more of an accurate picture of Jesus on this earth.
Today I stopped.
I walked by a young man with a sign on the streets of Portland that said, "something is everything when you don't have much." Even before I saw the sign, I felt drawn to him. I walked by him twice before stopping on the sidewalk and asked God in disbelief, "what could I offer him?"
Right then, I remembered I had an apple in my bag, so I started there and asked his name. I asked him about his story, we chatted, and I shared how I believe Jesus wants him to follow Him. I shared the good news of Jesus Christ and our hopelessness without Him in my broken, far-from-eloquent words. Even though I fumbled through my words, he kept engaged the whole time as I knelt beside him. I prayed with him and had the privilege of encouraging him and offering some practical support.
I left that encounter thinking, "why me?" to which God answered, "you stopped."
It's not that I was the most qualified or even that I wanted to stop at that moment, but I chose to be obedient to Holy Spirit's leading, and it was a precious opportunity to share the hope of Jesus with someone whose life had sadly beaten him up. If God can move through me, He can move through anyone!
I am still mending by the grace of God from past wounds and rejection. Each day I pray that God will help me reflect who He is more and more.
Will you take a moment to quiet yourself before God, asking for His words over you in regards to reaching His beautiful and broken children?
Will you pause and allow for Holy Spirit to reveal any hidden lies from the enemy you've been living by that are stopping His move in your life?
Let's go out in faith and boldness, not perfect, but surrendered to the only One who is.
